and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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