Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
