google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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