This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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