why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
