I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
