so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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