theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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