Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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