Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.