I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
