You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
