I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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