This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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