i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
