hotel room ftw
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
