i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
