i think i have herpe
just one?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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