Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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