I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
