Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
