you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
