Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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