If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
