apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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