i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
