the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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