I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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