he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
