Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
