I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
