My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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