p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
