i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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