Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
