If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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