other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
