we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
