Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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