i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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