After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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