please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
