Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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