Please, let me fuck your mom
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
