my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
