So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
