My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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