Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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