you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize