speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
