I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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