if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
True strength comes from lack of pants
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
