He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
