Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
