Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
