She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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