I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Vodka?
Forever.
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No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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