just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
