Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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