Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
